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[20 Jun 2007|11:31pm]
I made a group on yahoo if anyone is interested in joining...
Its called Penpals And Everything In Between...

Its just an idea,.hehe..This link you can just type it in your email and send it...Or you can go to yahoogroups and type it in..Hugs and kisses to everyone who joins..hehe
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[19 Jun 2007|10:42pm]
Well, I have a kidney infection...I went to the hospital on the 12th an the doctor said it was a slight urinary tract infection but wouldnt give me any medicine. Then, I went to the doctor the next day and told him I was still in pain so he gave me antibotics that somehow didnt work and made the infection worse. SO, I went back to the hospital and they ran tests and came back to be a kidney infection. A real bad one. So, I cant go back to work unless its cleared up and until I go back to the hospital and get xrays ran again to make sure my kidney is ok and not infected....

Robert and I have been better..Last night we had the most amazing sex. It was better then ever and I know you probably dont wanna know that but I have to tell someone..LOL..And, we are better. We had got in a huge fight yesterday and I said it was completely over and then things got better and ya..LOL..

Im just sitten here being bored now. I really dont have much to do when the kids are sleeping and Im not working. Plus Robert is looking for a job now because of my medical poblems. Its like one thing after another an I hate it.

Anyone know of any good songs to download??? Im dying for some new music. Let me know.. Whoever still wants me to write them leave me your address..Bye for now.
Samantha <333
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my mom is in the hospital [22 Mar 2007|06:56pm]
she went in ealier today. she lost alot of blood it was a 7.4 and it is real low. they are going to keep her.
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Mom, I forgive you [12 Feb 2007|03:43pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I told my mom I forgave her for everything she has put me through growing up and that I truely do love her.
it just seems that with all the shit she says to me about me bing a bad mom and Im worth nothing on a daily basis, my pride got in the way of letting her know that I love her so much.
I dont want my mom to die, yet it is something that is slwoly happeneing and theres nothing I can do about it. I am tryen not to have any grudges or anything because I just want her to pass on knowing that I love her and that I will be ok. Even though I know I wont be. How does one deal with losing thier mom. The woman that gave birth to you and brought you up in this world and now is just leaving you behind?
Theres so many things going through my head. I know she is in pain, I know shes unhappy and wants to just let go but then again I wanna be sellfish and keep her here so I have my mom. Is that wrong of me to think that way?

I am hurting so much in my heart I cry everynight to get to sleep not knowing if my mom will be alive when I wake up in the morning.
Its a feeling I just cant let go of. Im scared of failing on my own. Im scared of my mom never coming back. Im scared I wont be the mother my kids need or expect of me because I dont know how to be.
My husband lost his mom at a young age but I cant find myself to talk to him because it brings up memories of his mom nd I dont want to hurt him. But, I need him so much./ I need someone.
I cried last night on his shoulder for the first time in a long time over something that he didnt make me cry over.
He listened to me and cried with me and said its ok and I can get through this with him. I felt bad for bringing up old memories for him ... Is that sellfish for wanting him to comfort me like I did when his mom died when he was 14?

Im confused on my life, my feelings, my heart, my mind..I feel like Im gonna have a nervous breakdown. This is way too much forme to handle. I feel lost in my own world without anyone. I feel like Im pushing people away that want to help me but I just cant let them. I feel like I dont deserve help from anyone because I am being sellfish for having my feelings that I feel.

I write in my written journal everyday, I thought that would help me but its not. It is just going to remind me of the horrible time Im having now.
I got in a discussion with my mom last night and basically I broke down in front of her and I didnt want to. I know shes having a hrad time. a more of a hard time then I am and I broke down. Stupid me. She doesnt want to go to the doctors anymore and I told her that she needs me for me,herself and her grandkids. Then she said." why should I even try, when I am just going to die, Im in pain, just let me die already." I tried to hold the tears back but I couldnt. I told her " I understand your in pain, I understand how you feel but try to look at it from my point of view too. I, your daughter am losing you, her mother. How can you tell me its ok when you dont know what it feels like to not know if your mom will be alive the next morning and will never see her again."
I started crying more and she gave me a hug and started cryen and said that she was sorry for putting me through all this and she never knew how much I loved her.

Then, I just pulled away(stupid pride again) and told her I dont know what else to say and I came upstairs and went in the bathroom and cried and cried until Robert came in and started conforting me as Im pushing him away he wouldnt let me.

I dont know what to do anymore. I am a confused daughter losing her mother and I never knew it would hurt this much because me and her never got along my whole life, we were always fighting and I never expected it to hurt this much.


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[02 Jan 2007|04:17pm]

Pics taken on New Years...LOL..I like them
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[14 Nov 2006|09:28pm]
I actually had his room clean and my little 2 year old devil of a daughter..LOL.. made a huge mess with her toys all over again. UGH!!!
Anyways, Roberts birthday was the 11th and he slept cause he worked all night and was hella tired. Plus its the day his mom died too 5 years ago so ya he didnt want to do anything.
He;s been working like crazy though. 12 hours nights and everything.
My birthday is coming up. Ill be 23 this year. Crazy. Its December 7th.

My aunt Jeanetta died and her funeral is tomarrow. My cousin Jason is a basketcase. First his mom dies when he was 9 and then his aunt dies the only one that took care of him everytime he got out of jail or prison.

This is what I have on my list for my birthday/Christmas

Nintendo DS( I kno Robs getting it for me..LOL..Im sneaky)
John Tucker Must Die dvd
Zip up Hoodies( Black,Grey or White or Navy Blue)
Any books on Numerology or Palmistry
The New Ridaz cd
Justin Timberlake- Love sex future sounds
Step Up dvd
Metalic Gel Pens
Hello Kitty Journal
Clothes Large in shirts and pants size 15 in juniors.

Lily wants all Dora or Barney stuff.
Plus lately shes been into The Little Mermaid and Finding Nemo.
Lily 2T in clothes

Haylee is doing the Carebear or Minnie Mouse theme this year since its her first Christmas.'' 6-9 months in clothes.

and Rob is just whatever..LOL.
Anything electronics..LOL.. or anything he can take apart.hehe. He wants a few cd's and movies and ps2 games but ya THEN A CB RADIO AND HIS STUFF IS EXPENSIVE THOUGH.

Anyways, I still need addresses for everyone on my friends list.
So, comment back cause I lost my address book:( It had everyones info in there..

Well, gotta go. Much love,
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Last night was awesome [22 Jul 2006|03:55pm]
I had so much fun last night. My friend didnt show up at the club but I went anyways. I had me some fun..LOL..I was dancin and everything. I met Krystal Melody and Mc Magic. Krystal rememberd me from myspace and came up to me and gave me a hug and we were talking and all. Then Magic turned around and looked at me and said" Now, Samantha I now you aint gonna act like you dont now me.." LOL. I laughed and all and gave him a hug. He signed some stuff for me, gave me a free dvd of his new music video and then at the club he saw me too and me and Krystal danced next to each other. It was hella fun. I got some good pics of me and her and me and him. Ill upload them soon. Plus, when he was on stage he said " I have to give a shoutout to my girl Samantha, who has had my back on myspace and has been my biggest supporter here in Sac. Thank you Samantha, I love you girl!." Everything went quiet and the lights went on me after he pointed to me and IM like " I love you too Magic, I love helping you out." It was so sweet. Everyones mouth dropped, like how the hell does she know Magic and them..LOL. I made people jealous..hehe. But ya, it was so nice.
When I get the pics uploaded Ill post them on here and on my myspace. So, if anyone has myspace hit me up and add me..www.myspace.com/samantha12
Myspace rocks now since I know people..LOL. and now I know how the site works. Before I had no clue how it worked. But ya, love you all and I hope you all are having a great weekend. I know I am:)

p.s. New pics on Lily and Haylee coming soon..........

Anyone know any good nicknames for Haylee..LOL. I cant think of any
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promo [28 Jun 2006|12:52pm]
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[14 Jun 2006|11:53pm]

Lets start off with yesterday. Robert worked til 9pm. He came home for 15 minutes and had to leave again to go and work. I went over susans for awhile. I dont remember if I wrote this or not. It sounds familiar..LOL..
Anyways, he worked today from 8am-3:30pm and came home. Haylee woke me up right after he left and wouldnt stop crying for 4 hours. She ate, changed and burped and nothing worked. So, I was very very tired. On top of that the pacifiers were missing so my mom went and bought me a coffee and 2 pacifiers for Haylee. She finally went to sleep for like 15 minutes..LOL..
Robert came home. I surprised him with showing him that my old black work pants that are a size 14 fit me. I was so happy. I also told him I called Denny's and they new manager said that I can come down there and fill out another application and talk to Jeff about hiring me again since I used to work there before for 4 months. Before pregnancy..LOL..
Robert's ok with the idea since we need the money and all but Im a little nervous. I mean, Im still bleeding, I know To much info and Im still leaking milk..More to much info and I need to take this time to bond with Haylee.
But, on the other hand we really need the money since Robert cant find a job. He's tried so hard and no one will hire him. Its so sad.
My low housing will be here real soon and Im afraid I waitied for 3 years and I will hve to pass it up. So, I really need this job so I can get out of here and start our own life.
Robert did hurt my feelings a few minutes ago though. See, the whole upstairs had gotten so messy since Ive been home from the hospital. I havent felt like doing nothing. Well, duh I just had a kid..LOL..So, while Haylee slept off and on and Lily watching Barney I cleaned as much as I could.
Wel, Robert said he didnt see anyhting that I had done and it didnt look like I cleaned at all. I told him that it took me 3 hours just to do what I did cause Haylee kept crying and Lily  needed fed, changed, and needed attention while Haylee would fall in and out of sleep.
I went in the other room and cried. He dont know but I did. Im trying so hard not to be depressed. Its hard taking care of two kids. I feel like Im taking care of both of them alone. I make bottles, formula,change both diapers, feed both kids,everything and he dont see how hard it is for me.
Everything is getting to me though. I think my livejournal and lj friends know more about how I feel then Robert does. Its sad. But so true. I talk to him sometimes, but other times he;s too tired or its just not a good time to bring things up like that.
I dont know. Welfare is fucking with me again. They send me a packet and by the way Robert wont tell me where it is at the moment cause he's trying to sleep, and I call asking why do I have to bring in all the stupid paperwork that I already filed out and they have everything on file. They tell me theres no one there by that name. Im so sick of them. I wonder if there is anything that can be done about them not knowing anything and being rude to people.
Anyways, thats about it for tonight. Im hoping to get some sleep, if Lily will just got to sleep.

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[08 Apr 2006|07:47pm]
If anyone is interested in joining some yahoogroups.. Please join..hehe


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Friends Only please!!! [31 Dec 2005|09:50pm]
Image hosting by Photobucket 1.Welcome to my new journal. 2. I dont mind you adding me if I dont know you, but please leave a comment stating you did and what we have in common that made you friend me. 3.I am a very unique person and my life insists on a lot of drama. If you cant handle the drama, dont friend me. 4. Im also a very straight forward person and I tell it like it is. 5.Other then that feel free to friend me and Ill add you back:)
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